Knowing what to create:
The concept of what to draw or what to paint was something I always really struggled with and even now is something that becomes a struggle. I would sit down in front of my empty canvas and melt at the idea of what to create. The options seemed endless yet at the same time they all felt wrong or not enough to stand in the contemporary art space. The blankness of both the surface and my mind would turn me into a pool of nothing, all that remained was the blank canvas and empty chair, still warm from a person who once was. It would rob me of my artistic confidence and my belief that I was an artist. “What sort of Artist doesn’t know what to create”. I would be so hung up on this idea, adding extreme pressure to the thing I loved the most, and pressure on self expression is a terrible thing. i have gone through phases where the creativity and fun was no where to be found, I lost the beauty of creative expression for a while.
We maybe hear about visual identity, finding your niche and pursuing genres or concepts. Creating something unique and recognisable. That standing out among contemporaries is somehow the way to fit in. I must have spent countless hours not creating and not expressing. Turning to the canvas for guidance but only to be met with my own shame, a feeling maybe many artists have also faced.
Flicking through my photo albums, as I had so many times before, sprawled out with 4x6’’s engulfing me, I am met with memories of my life. So plainly laid out before me, all these experiences and people that helped chip me into who am I. Photographs can tell 1000 words, but they’re not necessarily the right words, things aren’t always how they appear. I always knew I wanted my art to connect with people, for people to look at it and see themselves, or a loved one, or see a glimpse of something special. That’s the reason why the idea of what I created was so weighted, I didn’t want to make just anything, I wanted to make something encompassing. As I sat around the memories of my life, feeling toasted with nostalgia, I knew that this what the feeling I wanted to create from my work. These everyday moments, relatable scenarios, that is what I wanted to document through my artwork. I want to hear the “that reminds me of’s” And the “don’t you remember when’s” echoed through the spaces you find my art. Hopefully I am achieving that, or at least I hope I’m heading in the right direction for it.
Finding your art and style is hard, it takes time. You sometimes need to break down self made walls to find your potential. Reflect on what makes you feel something, doesn’t have to be positive, but I find that the best artwork comes from within.
